Q&A: "How do I go about dating in the future?"

This week, a woman asked me "How do I go about dating in the future?"

My answer to her was: "Don't worry about the how."

First, the future isn’t here yet.

And second, the how has a way of sorting itself out when the timing is right.

If we're spending time wondering how we'll navigate dating and future relationships, this is an indication that we're not yet fully present and at home with ourselves.

After just coming out of any toxic, abusive relationship, it's critical that you spend time healing and getting to know who YOU are.

When you become unshakeable in things like your purpose, beliefs, values, desires, likes, dislikes, you'll intuitively know who resonates and who doesn't and navigating situations of all kinds in life – not just dating – can naturally unfold without the need to know "how."

To help yourself come back to the present and gauge where you are now, grab a journal and try answering these questions:

  • Am I a good partner to myself right now? Am I capable of listening to and meeting my own needs?
  • What does a great date look like to me? Do I even need to wait, or could I take myself out on the date I desire? Does the thought of taking myself out on dates feel strange? If so, why?
  • Do I truly enjoy my own company? Do I enjoy my own company enough that anyone else would just be an awesome bonus?
  • Do I want to be with someone else so they can fill a void within myself or because I truly desire the growth that would come with being in a conscious, loving relationship?
  • What do I like to do for fun and joy? Have I explored my own interests enough that I’ve learned what I truly like, value, and want in life? Enough that I wont compromise them for someone else?
  • Am I supporting myself emotionally and financially? Or do I want someone else to do these things for me? Am I stalling on making progress in my life, hoping I'll meet someone willing to step in and "rescue me?"
  • Have I healed or am I actively healing: my mother wound and father wound? the energy patterns that attract narcissistic people into my life? any sexual trauma I may have in my history?
  • Do I feel at peace and at home within my body? Do I feel healthy, strong, and energized? Or does my mind and body feel heavy, weak, and tired?
  • Can I look in the mirror and tell the woman looking back that I love her, no matter how I look or what's going on in my life? And mean it?

The happiest and healthiest version of yourself will bring the most aligned partner (the best date!) your way if that’s what’s meant to be– all you need to do right now is the work it takes to become that version of yourself.

The future we desire is created moment by moment, so if you want to date an awesome partner in the future, BECOME an awesome partner to date... but first and foremost, do it for YOU. Because at the end of the day, you are and will always be the person you spend the most time with– you may as well love dating yourself either way!

– Malana